Right now the “work” around here is slowing down, but things for me are (it seems) always at a boil. I’m not going to be doing many posts until I can sort out this massive walking on hot coals Fire of a Job style chapter of my life.
Over the ten or so years of faith I can list everything that has come at me. That would take months. Through the last trial before this time I found myself questioning my faith, wondering if that voice I’ve been following was actually His or of it was something else.
I had just got things settled in my life when this next part happened. I just barley was rooted and BGI (Biblically Grafted In) took off because I got grounded. Things were still a spiritual battle, but I was at least writing to all of you and myself. Felt like I was even helping some answering their questions as biblically as possible. People started to come to my posts on here and on Instagram and in my blog and I was (even though battling inside myself) able to still contribute to the global community who reads my writings for Him.
Then this page in my life cropped up as a blessing. However because of either a curse, or my inability to maintain a managed life what was a blessing became spoiled fruit.
I deal with Anxiety/Depression/and PTSD because of 21 years in a security career where in 16 years I saw the worst things one can see. But all my life i have had to fight for every next day literally. I’ve always been in spiritual warfare before Yeshua/Jesus and even since His call to me. My mind is not always working for me. Most times it works against me. As a person who has done deliverance ministry (until I saw what I did there and stopped closing that ministry) seeing people delivered from demons, I’ve often wondered why have I still not been freed from my torment. So I continue to fight for every next day. Fight through the lies and torment this medical diagnosis/messenger from the enemy hands out. I’ve worked so hard to keep going and not give up.
The last two epic tests have been the most difficult for me to endure.
I’m not going to get into details with folks I don’t know In Real Life. But I’ve invested, followed, believed, only to be handed devastation each time makes me question, this knowing still small voice that lead me to give my life as to become a Christian, become ordained, do deliverance ministry, and follow Torah….. am I following Him, if I am why do I get beat down and destroyed every time I do?
I’m NOT that big a threat to the enemy. I’m weak, defective, and so on. No the enemy is not more powerful than the Father and His Son. I’m also an extremely logic evidence minded person. He/Father allows these tests and pains.
Here is where I’ll leave off in this update.
This last test I’m in the middle of is like being in the wilderness tormented by the enemy. I’m no Abraham, I’m not even a disciple. I’m not a Job or Jeremiah, I’m no longer strong. Myself Has been emptied to where I don’t worry or even care about what comes next. But here is my declaration I made yesterday.
EVEN THOUGH…. I’m battling in spiritual warfare every day for my own self… this latest test has been the thing that has angered me to fight, seek out unclean spirits and pray and see people delivered.
I want to torment the other team who has been tormenting me since my faith has began.
I no have nothing left of my own. I have no place of my own, money of my own, and no longer care about worldly things and experiences.
Until the last breath leaves my body I care ONLY to declare full on war… WAR on those unclean spirits tormenting people upon the earth. Not by my power or authority do I set out to battle for others. Not by my strength will I seek out and torment those evil spirits. No not by my own anything. I’m nobody…. But by the One who Chose me will I fight. In His name not mine. In His spirit not mine. With His word not mine.
I no longer care what happens to me in this life. I’m setting out with spiritual weapons and setting out to fight for others even if my miracle or deliverance never comes.
So to the other side, the destructive unclean spiritual team here is what I say this day…..
YOU MADE ME THIS WAY.
you couldn’t just let a deliverance minister go quietly off the battlefield. Where once I was afraid of you I now only seek to destroy you. You want to fight. You want war. Guess what so do I, but I’m not relying on my own anything anymore. I’m just the tool of the Creator of all there is and His Son. I’ll fight for others while struggling to fight for myself. We are now at war and HE GOES BEFORE ME…..
I hate spiritual bullies.
So even though I’m weak I’ll use His strength.
I closed my ministry when I saw the evil face to face. I didn’t want friends and family hurt if something messed with them because of my fighting against evil. I had fear over protecting those who loved me if something took it out on them. I have no relationship and will never again. I will remain single and take my anger out on the unclean spirits and evil which plagues man.
I’ve been fighting for my every day for so long and let fear keep me from my ministry. Well by myself with no team I’m coming to stand against those principalities and spirits who seek to destroy man.
I no longer care what happens to me, I also have no relationship or things to try to protect from the unclean side. I’m a soldier who is returning to the battlefield. I will seek out those plagued by evil spirits and work to set the captives free. It’s about helping others. Until my last breath im at war with the unclean spirits who plauge mankind. Though im just a man I’ll fight. Though im plagued myself I will deliver others. Though im tormented I’ll set free the captives. Though im weak and tired im relying on Him to guide my every move. Though I have nothing I know He will keep providing. Though I beg for rest I’ll never again stop spiritual warfare. July 14 the 5th of Av….. ends my relaxing and starts me pursuing the other side to give them unrest.
Perhaps after setting others free I will be able to earn my own rest. Shalom and God Bless.